you watch me from the wall a naked image that i always hated I mean, the look on my face in it a rampant sundown but it makes no real difference so I sit by the window it was a mistake to bring it up today I'm still in these clothes I need to change but it still stings where the dirt is caked on I'm covered in moss and dried blood and grass stains the past few weeks I've been only living in a day like some saints describe as "the way," have nothing to prepare for before then I was wasting my time making resumes trying to do little things each day (I devote my life to you a different boy in each different room until I lay in my last good bed but my eyes aren't in this tomb because I want to see you, I want to see you your hands covering your chest mouth closed when you're embarrassed and you're glowing a ruby red or, instead, like you used to) you still think I want it to be this? have all this calamity? I know you're scared. I know I should stop being afraid, I'm sorry but I don't want your pity (I wish I could feel it all for you enough lust to pound my face in shutting down against a wall grasping for straws hard enough to bruise I used to recognize you when you walked in a room now I miss out on all the different faces staring down at my black and white shoes on the grey carpet) I just missed you. I shouldn't have tried to explain everything I wrote there is true everything that I wrote to you but I don't know if I should still send it I mean, I still have your address so just know that it's unfinished, I was going to finish it but some things happened (I was going to read you a poem by Sir John Philip Sidney, but I might have. I was going to)

you should know just what I'm thinking shame on you, shame on you you're lucky that I don't start screaming (don't start screaming) i have decided I am the lord of flies you listen to me, I pull blood from the skies I write the bible, I feed cain to able I'm the messiah, I am the lord of flies I have decided I am the lord of flies I conjure war and eastern genocide I feed off silence and Violence! Violence! Violence! I am the lord of flies I am the lord of flies you should know just how to fix this shame on you, honey, shame on you you're lucky that you are not frightened I'm not frightened

I wanted a fight I wanted a fight I've been so cooped up I wanted a fight but i don't have a gun I don't have a gun

I want to own a beat up truck made in 1979 I see old abandoned barns and I wish they were mine I wanna go where no one knows my name I want to go where they can't find me at the general store, they see me everyday 20 miles out from the nearest stage I wanna grow up with my corn and hay to be recycled with old street signs the rusted metal (I would love to run away) cut into shingles (and you remind me) that keep my head dry (every time you think before you say) from the rain (something stupid. I can't take) I wanna go where no one knows my name (what remains) I want to go where they can't find me (what remains)

I'm up in the morning I'm down in the evening where's my energy? where's my energy? fuck this, I don't need this I don't want to talk to you I didn't want to hear from you I feel just like you you feel just like me fuck this, I don't need this

in heaven are fragments of some forgotten rock floating around with peace in where they are the aftermath of a star collision made by you and all of god's shiny parts but kilonova begs to be in love (when disaster struck) and kilonova forgets to turn the stove off (was it to be in love?) her flame reaches out and pulls me in (or was it planned to end just in time) her desperation sounds (with the summer?) like the steam from a just-washed pan (you were much too young to die) or the 8 hour sounds of the ocean (so he put you off to the side) my worlds were left behind to be inhabited (to play with your brother and sleep in the moon's craters) but none of them really apply (he lets me see he lets me see you with a naked eye) I am not one person even when I'm alone with my girls in my corner I could never fall and I'll be watching the moon for when you wanna come home

you thought you were safe from the devil's hands comforting yourself with jokes about the fate of the frontman but you can trust me you can trust me, I won't leave you you can trust me (it's not like before) you can trust me (I'm different now) it's not a problem I'm not losing it what happened? what happened, what happened to you? I can't remember I can't remember when I met you

wait are you comfortable in your roman skin? linen cloth to cover up the sin chiseled into allophane, awake god has finally made his first mistake what a shame to keep you in a public place wait are you ashamed when it's not enough? I wonder if you can feel my touch I wonder if you feel love at all awake, and I'll take you off the wall what a shame to keep you in patient until I meet you I won't speak my thoughts my love is lost (to keep you in)

I think I saw you in uncanny valley stocking food along the isle when we met eyes I stopped looking but when you turned around I glanced behind please, say hello to me say hello to me say hello to me